Anxiety And The Food Fairy

Sometimes I have trouble with anxiety.  Well, most of the time I struggle with it.  It starts with tingling in my tummy and arms and hands.  My legs tingle, and my breathing increases.  It isn't fun.  Some stores I shop at really give me anxiety.  I love to go into Fred Myers for..... less than a minute.  Then I start to tingle.  I want to shop there and I can't.  I think the isles are too close, the lighting is poor, and it is a negative impact on me.

I also suffer with anxiety when I have to do something out of my comfort zone.  Which, on Tuesday evening this week was one of those times.  My DH had given me a Christmas gift which was a love/hate for me.  He signed me up for a Photography class.  I was thrilled.  A new education for me on a subject that I love!  I couldn't have been happier.  I have looked forward to it since Christmas.

Well, this is the week that the class started.

Instant anxiety.

My DH knows how hard it is for me, so on Monday he put me in the car, in the drivers seat, and I drove us to where the class would be held.  I saw it.  I was fine. I got excited, in a good way.  I was going to be in there and learning about my camera and how to take better photos!  I was really looking forward to it.  Until I got home from that ride.  Then my imagination started, and so did the anxiety.  My DH knew it would.  He knows how this awful feeling is for me.  He, being the best husband ever, also knew what to do to calm my thoughts. He suggested we do something with the pork loin we had purchased over the weekend. He knows, "get her mind on something else", and he did.

The reason he suggested it to me is because he knew I had an idea for the big 9 lb hunk of meat. He knew that was a good time to start the preparation.  He stayed with me, and we had such fun in the kitchen making the marinate for the loin.  My mind was on the 9 lb. pork loin. 
 
A 9 lb pork loin is huge!  We could feed an army with it, so we planned our strategy to get as much good out of it as we could.  We cut it in half.  We made two different marinates.  We bagged the meat into big Ziploc bags and had so much fun together while we did it. 

I slept peacefully for 3 hours that night.  I remembered the photo class.  It kept me awake.

Then, Tues morning arrived.  I had to wait all day for the class.  My arms tingled, my legs tingled.....  I knew I had to stay busy that day so I didn't implode.

The best place for me to stay busy is in the kitchen.   That is exactly what I did.

I had everything I needed.  I was ready with the recipes.  I cooked all day long. By the end of the day I realized I could feed an army.  I knew a few "soldiers" who would appreciate this feast.

I prepared the food, and DH volunteered to deliver the meals.  He is the best man in the world.

It was nearly time for me to make my final preparations to attend my class.  I was really ready.  I had gathered my camera equipment, the camera batteries were charged, and a pen and paper was with the camera.  I just needed to freshen up and drive to the class.

But, first I had to send out an email.  Do you want to know what the email said, and do you want to know who got the email.  I knew you did, because I would want to know.

I sent it to my 4 off spring.

This is what it said:

Hello My darlings,

It really does pay to live in Idaho, and it is cheaper. Let me tell you why.

First course is biscuits made from scratch, this morning. Cheddar Chive Biscuits.

Next: Rolled Stuffed Loin of Pork with Rubied Gravy.

Yep, a 9 lb loin was lovingly pounded, butterflied and pounded some more to make it thinner. Not thin, but thinner.

Then it was marinated overnight in a Worcestershire sauce, olive oil, salt, and minced garlic marinate.

Then the marinate was removed and the pork was laid flat and covered with a stuffing which consists

of: onions, garlic, fresh ground ginger, cinnamon, ground cloves, parsley, olive oil, and 2 cups of dried cranberries. It was all minced together in the food processor. Then spread onto the flattened pork

The pork was rolled up and wrapped with thick cut bacon. This was tied with cooking sting to keep the pork closed and the bacon in place, and roasted in the oven until done.

To go along with this pork, I made a fresh cranberry rubied gravy, which is 12 oz of cooked fresh cranberries with sugar and cranberry pomegranate juice added. Cranberries have their own pectin so more juice was added to keep the cranberry sauce thin enough to drizzle over the pork, when served. For those of you who are eating this tonight, you may want to warm up the cranberry gravy sauce and add a little water if it thickens.

To accompany this I have prepared cubed Yukon potatoes. Drizzled with olive oil, Kosher salt, and dried basil (home grown). Coating all the cubed potatoes well, then placed in a flat cookie sheet pan and baked until crispy.

A vegetable is needed to I included baked Banana Squash with butter and brown sugar.

Because I have a photography class tonight, I was unable to get a dessert made. That will be left up to you. If you have room enough in your tummies to want dessert.

I hope those who get to eat this yummy meal tonight will know it was made with lots of love. Your father is in route as I am typing to deliver this to an apartment nearby, and he is meeting our commuter near the freeway, so it will be hot still. It is covered with foil, but may need to be popped into the oven to warm it up prior to eating.

Enjoy, and I love all of you!

See, it is cheaper to live in Idaho. Other people use their food and electricity and time on your behalf. And they lovingly do it!

My thanks to the delivery man.

I will think of all of you while I am at my photography class.

Love, Mom

Then I hurried out the door to my class.  I drove calmly to the class.  Upon arriving I was greeted with a warm welcome and smiles.  An empty seat was waiting for me, and we started the class promptly at 7:00.  I was relaxed and enjoyed every minute of it!

The teacher and owner of Perfect Light is a fast talker and I had to really focus to stay up with him.  I didn't have time to get anxious.  It was a wonderful experience, and I learned tons.  I learned about a triangle and its importance.  Did you know you need a triangle to take good photographs?

I can hardly wait until next week and have the 2nd part of the class.  I can hardly wait to get outside and take 50 pictures of the same thing. 

I'll bet my off spring can hardly wait to see if next Tuesday I am in the kitchen again.

The reason I know they are looking forward to it is in my inbox of my emails and the text messages I have recived.  They are glowing reports about the dinner they were given.  Those kids know just the right thing to say to get me to repeat my actions.  They fill my bucket, until it overflows, with prasies and kind words of gratitude. They are thoughtful and kind and don't forget to say "Thank You".  Because they have learned how important "Thank You" is in this life.  Not just to me, but to everyone who does nice things for us.

I say, "Thank You" to my kids, who show appreciation for the things done for them.  I love my kids.

 Love, Me

ps.  Anxiety prevents me from taking photos....sorry.  That is for another day.  You can bet I will repeat this meal and share it with you, along with the recipes.  They are great.